i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
