i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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