Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
