his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize