Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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