I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
