glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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