I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
