we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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