...so i touched it.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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