Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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