So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
