I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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