The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
