god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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