lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
