have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
