Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
