You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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