that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
