How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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