We named our party play list daddy issues
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
