he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
