How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
