Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
only if we run a train.
done.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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