You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
we made out on top of his cat.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
