I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
