I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
