Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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