Sponge bath it is.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
