Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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