Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
