haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
