Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
