one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
