You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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