Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
