i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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