There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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