Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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