Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize