Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Randomize
