fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
