Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
