Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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