guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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