farters have to be the big spoon...
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
