is your mom at the bar?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
