Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
My liver just had a heart attack.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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