Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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