they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
We got so high we made milksteak
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
