farters have to be the big spoon...
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
My vagina is very pro this idea
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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