I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
