I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
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