to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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