i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
