Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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