So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
