it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
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