and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
