i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
We have started to decorate penises.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
