So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Are we still banned from the library?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
