i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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