he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
