Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
