youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
