I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
