It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
