Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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