i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
