..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
