I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
