you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
