Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
