It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
