remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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