I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
