He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize