I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
