he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
someone owes me an orgasm
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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