I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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