You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
