Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
