Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
