yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
