No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
