OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize