Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
