when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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