she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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