i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
