Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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