Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
