I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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