4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
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