Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
