make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
two words...techno handjob
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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