she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
