Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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