There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
