he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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