Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize