I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
