So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
