Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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