He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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