Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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