I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
