Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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