5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
