Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
