He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
