there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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