he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I understand Curling. That high.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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