what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
